Journal Entry Motivation Psychology

Depression and Me

I usually try to avoid talking about my mental health too much, but this week has been hard. I’m in the middle of a no spend and therefore I’m not getting the temporary hit of endorphins that comes with shopping. I’d love to say it’s not that important but for me anything that gives me a feeling of joy is vital. I love to eat out, but I’m 60lbs over weight and need to get on track with getting healthy. I need a change, I need a plan, I need a routine. I need small wins.

I’m not alone. Common sense says I’m not alone. I see it everywhere I go the blank looks, the empty expressions, the unhappy interactions. I’m not alone. We yell at our children and spouses because we’re desperately trying to improve something in our lives in order to make ourselves feel better. But it doesn’t work. They may stop leaving dishes in the sink, or their socks on the floor right next to the hamper, but there is always something else that needs to be addressed. We berate people on social media, their ignorance can’t be tolerated, but we get into arguments with people who have no desire to learn or change. We watch television programs and read books and browse blogs that aim to inspire but the implementation just exhausts us because we’re already run down.

Change When you’re exhausted what change can you implement that will make things better. The answer could be different for everyone, perhaps it’s paying off those bills that are weighing you down (I know that’s part of it for me). Maybe it’s losing that extra 60lbs that you’re carrying with you everywhere you go (also part of it for me). Perhaps it’s finding a new job or a new way to handle the stress at your job (yep, also one for me). But the big changes take time and although the end results can ensure long term relief from the issues what do we do between now and then.

Acknowledge I have to acknowledge that the big things are hard for me to achieve because I’m still struggling with the small things. My issues are not just situational or environmental, daily I deal with emotions and stress that I can’t control because of my chemistry. And the chemistry is key for people like myself who have a medical diagnosis and for the people who don’t. I wonder if it would help to learn how to “play” with my chemistry.

Experiment I’m going to start an experiment. I’m not at my lowest low, but I’m not coping well either. I’m going to focus each moment on finding the energy to do one positive thing after another until it becomes a habit for me to identify and engage in healthier behavior. I need to learn to celebrate the small steps that help me reach my larger goals. My life is going to become about doing better and being better and my first step is to make a promise to myself that I’m going to document this journey. I’m going to start documenting everything, I’m going to keep track of my small steps and hope that they lead to a big difference.

Blog I need to stop saying I don’t have anything to teach other people. I have plenty to share including my journey. It’s not just the big things that are important it’s the small things too. The ways that each week I’m working to improve myself and my life. We see the blog posts about the big things and they’re so hard to do when you don’t have energy. Maybe I can do blog posts about the small things that give me a sense of accomplishment. Small things that maybe someone else can do, small things that inspire change, small things that may lead to big things some day.

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